1 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:06,266 Welcome to "Sports Shouting!" 2 00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:07,529 The first round of NFL Hall of Fame voting 3 00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,226 starts this week. 4 00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:11,576 And I'm here with six of the loudest throats in football. 5 00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:13,404 Tom, you're on the selection committee. 6 00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:14,797 Who's getting in? Everyone, answers. 7 00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:19,236 I would say Jerry Basmati, 8 00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:21,108 but I'm already in the Hall of Fame, baby. 9 00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:23,327 Pow, pow, life is good. 10 00:00:23,414 --> 00:00:25,199 It's not! It's pain! 11 00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,679 Life is pain! 12 00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:30,204 Okay, let's take a call. You're on "Sports Shouting!" 13 00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:31,683 Who are you? Who do you like? 14 00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:33,772 Hmm, caller first time, I am. 15 00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:36,862 Support Jets running back, Reggie Dinkins, I do. 16 00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:38,647 We know it's you, Dinkins. Stop calling. 17 00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:40,388 You're pathetic, Dinkins! 18 00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:42,042 I told you Yoda wouldn't work. 19 00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:44,131 Who's Yoda? 20 00:00:44,218 --> 00:00:47,046 What would it mean for me to be in the Hall of Fame? 21 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,397 Dude, that's why we're doing this whole documentary. 22 00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:51,399 We've never gotten even one vote before, 23 00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,314 but this year feels different. 24 00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:54,706 We've got some good press. 25 00:00:54,793 --> 00:00:56,578 And Salami Joe's put the Reggie Dinkins 26 00:00:56,665 --> 00:00:58,405 back on the menu. 27 00:00:58,406 --> 00:01:00,756 I want the world to see that my dad is a legend, 28 00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:04,064 so I'm trying to get 29 00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:07,196 Oh, my God, it's working. - Oh. 30 00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:10,722 Wait, that's not about Reggie Dinkins. 31 00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:12,202 As many as seven in ten seniors 32 00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:13,725 may suffer from rectal dementia. 33 00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:15,857 Nope. What do you got, Rusty? 34 00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:17,859 Okay, I talked to all my fellow kickers, 35 00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:19,949 and they don't think any "hand touchers" 36 00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:21,863 should be in the Football Hall of Fame. 37 00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:23,170 I respect that. 38 00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,694 Hey, T, what are you doing to help the cause? 39 00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,696 Oh, well, I'm just making a documentary about all of it. 40 00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:29,872 But what about a teaser trailer? 41 00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:33,092 Any Smash Mouth song you want, I'll pay for it. 42 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,050 Well, I suppose I can assemble something, Reggie, 43 00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:36,574 but for the last time, "Shrek" owns Smash Mouth. 44 00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:38,054 Ah! 45 00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:39,924 ♪ The fall and rise ♪ 46 00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:44,755 ♪ Of Reggie Dinkins 47 00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:47,541 Sad news, folks--legendary sportswriter Tom Branose 48 00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:49,065 passed away during the commercial break. 49 00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:50,979 But he died doing what he loved-- 50 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:52,981 shouting on television about how he was being silenced. 51 00:01:52,982 --> 00:01:54,983 Rest in peace, but that guy sucked. 52 00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,898 He said he'd never vote for you 53 00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,379 during a Hurricane Katrina fundraiser. 54 00:01:58,509 --> 00:01:59,901 Branose was one 55 00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:02,861 of the New York-area voters, which means... 56 00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:05,037 There'll be an opening on the selection committee. 57 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:06,995 You've never gotten a single vote 58 00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:08,954 from these people in 15 years. - Neither have you, Monica. 59 00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:11,086 But an open seat on that committee is an opportunity. 60 00:02:11,087 --> 00:02:12,479 It's like the Supreme Court. 61 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,177 - Or Wu-Tang. - Or musical chairs. 62 00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:16,309 Do you need more examples, Monica? 63 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:19,008 What if Branose's replacement is more open-minded? 64 00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:21,270 That could mean an actual vote for you. 65 00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:23,012 But how do people get on the committee? 66 00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:25,841 Okay, they told me, but it was boring. 67 00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:28,713 So I'ma tell you while doing ASMR. 68 00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:30,715 The selection committee 69 00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:33,891 is made up of players, coaches, and sportswriters 70 00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:36,721 from every city with an NFL team, 71 00:02:36,808 --> 00:02:39,811 as well as 17 at-large delegates. 72 00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:42,117 Now, to get to a product 73 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,860 I have been waiting to share with you-- 74 00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:47,645 Takis has partnered with Tampax. 75 00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:49,691 I've been embedded with the Dinkinses for months now, 76 00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:51,300 so there's thousands of hours of footage 77 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:53,260 from which to cut a trailer. 78 00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:54,956 There's a reason why I haven't been talking 79 00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:56,566 about my pops. 80 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:59,788 Have you been using my prescription shampoo? 81 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,006 I guess it's just been using itself, then. 82 00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,878 Thanks, gang. Mystery solved. 83 00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:07,274 Okay, obviously not that. 84 00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,101 Let's see the back. 85 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,278 Okay, keeping it tight. - Ah, trying. 86 00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:16,065 Now, look, you all stay. I want this on tape. 87 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,241 Nope. 88 00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:20,982 - ♪ If you wanna hug me - ♪ Better say you love me ♪ 89 00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:23,506 both: ♪ With a little kiss or two 90 00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:26,162 ♪ Yow! 91 00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,990 Yeah, yeah, go, go, go. 92 00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:30,732 Oh, um, uh, they spit into my mouth at a BAFTAs after-party. 93 00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:32,689 - Gary Oldman. - No, no, no, the other one. 94 00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,343 Oh, Olivia Colman. 95 00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:40,350 Yeah, ha ha! 96 00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:43,005 It's all about me. 97 00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:45,312 I worked so hard to embed myself, I went too far. 98 00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,879 For God's sake, I'm filming myself right now. 99 00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:51,753 I know I'm being compelling, but I have to stop filming. 100 00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:56,104 Sources are telling "Sports Shouting!" 101 00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:58,412 that former Jets coach Duck Donovan 102 00:03:58,499 --> 00:04:00,849 has been tapped to join the NFL selection committee. 103 00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:03,199 Gentlemen and a lady, let's shout about that. 104 00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:07,508 DeQuarius Donovan hates you. 105 00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:09,292 That's not what Duck is short for. 106 00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:11,033 That's the least of our problems, Monica. 107 00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:12,948 - Why would they even pick him? - For real. 108 00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:14,601 His LinkedIn says 109 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:17,082 he's a referee at a singles flag-football league. 110 00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:18,997 Now, if I was a betting man-- 111 00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:21,652 and I am, it's a problem, I live in a hotel-- 112 00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:23,175 I would have let it all ride 113 00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:25,090 on New Jersey's own Jerry Basmati 114 00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:27,179 being the next committee member. 115 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,226 They did ask, Brett, but I've got "AM New Jersey," 116 00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:33,795 my QVC show selling phone cases and waffle makers, 117 00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:36,014 plus my men's retreat upstate, 118 00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:38,407 where fellas can regain their masculinity 119 00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:40,932 by making phone cases and waffle makers. 120 00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:43,108 It helped me a lot after my third or fourth divorce. 121 00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:44,719 So I called the committee, 122 00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:48,592 and I put my full weight behind Duckery Donovan. 123 00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,290 I was close. 124 00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:53,814 He and I see eye to eye on who should be in the Hall... 125 00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:56,208 and who definitely should not. 126 00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:57,993 Basmati! 127 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,649 I'm so mad and also now want waffles! 128 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:08,003 This is bad. Jerry Basmati got Reggie's old coach 129 00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:10,527 to be a Hall of Fame voter, and he hates Reggie. 130 00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,486 Could you do that somewhere else? 131 00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:15,837 Oh, I'm sorry that my sister cares about your life. 132 00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:18,187 I'm sorry about him, girl. 133 00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:20,276 She's not wrong about Coach, Reg. 134 00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:24,061 I loved John Proctor as the villain... 135 00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:29,066 as much as I hate Reggie [long bleep] Dinkins. 136 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:31,505 Look, this doesn't have to change our plan. 137 00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:34,203 If Donovan's a voter, we just find a way to convince him. 138 00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:36,074 Sometimes Hail Marys get caught. 139 00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:37,424 I don't know, Monica. 140 00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:39,164 You ain't see Duck when he came over here. 141 00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,949 You know when white guys get mad 142 00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:43,255 and they face turn red and their neck is, like, purple 143 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,082 and it makes you ask yourself, 144 00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,215 what color is they penis right now? 145 00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,740 Arthur was there. He'll tell you. 146 00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:51,307 Arthur! 147 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:53,657 Don't leave me hanging out, dog! 148 00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:55,746 We talked about this! 149 00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:57,182 Where is Mr. Tobin? 150 00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:01,186 What the hell are you doing? 151 00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:03,841 Oh, boy, yeah. He gonna kill us, Brina. 152 00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:05,582 You know white boys always snap. 153 00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:07,802 I'ma be sad to be dead, 154 00:06:07,889 --> 00:06:09,456 but I'ma be happy to be right. 155 00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,328 It has become clear to me 156 00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:15,331 that I have inadvertently centered myself 157 00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:16,941 in the narrative. 158 00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:20,075 From now on, I'm just going to... 159 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,424 disappear. 160 00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:24,166 Okay. I'm gonna let God handle that. 161 00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:26,907 How the hell am I supposed to convince a man 162 00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:28,910 who blames me for ruining his life 163 00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,825 to vote for me? 164 00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:32,479 I might have an idea. 165 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,131 Hey, guys. 166 00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:36,047 Since Arthur Tobin isn't around, 167 00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:39,007 you wanna talk about him behind his back? 168 00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:41,530 I really like him. 169 00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:44,098 My dad is obsessed with the Hall of Fame. 170 00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,579 You know every year on my birthday 171 00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:46,928 he asks to borrow my wish? 172 00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,582 He promises he's good for it, but... 173 00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,192 That must be hard on you. 174 00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:55,545 Do you think that's why you've been acting out lately? 175 00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:57,504 I-I-I don't know what you're talking about. 176 00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:59,114 No? 177 00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:00,897 So I was reviewing footage the other night, 178 00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:02,204 and I-I came across this. 179 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:10,952 Good night, Mr. Cameraman. 180 00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:13,302 After everyone is to bed, you sneak out. 181 00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:18,088 Shh. 182 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:20,656 Hours later, you return as tipsy as the patrons 183 00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:23,834 in the club described by Shaboozey. 184 00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:26,054 It--it--it was only that one night. 185 00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:28,360 I mean, my a capella group made regionals, 186 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:31,581 and Dinesh stole a bottle of rosé from his mom. 187 00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:35,367 Mr. Tobin, please don't show my parents. 188 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,108 But... 189 00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:40,284 you actually can't, can you? 190 00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:43,463 I mean, you said you weren't getting involved anymore. 191 00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,074 Well, of course, there is part of me that wants to. 192 00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:47,205 You are underage. 193 00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:48,684 Although in England, 194 00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:50,165 you can drink at home starting at age five. 195 00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:51,558 That's true. 196 00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:56,171 Um, but, look, as an objective observer, 197 00:07:56,301 --> 00:07:58,347 no, I-I would never use any of this 198 00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,828 unless it somehow became the story. 199 00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:02,351 Uh, so, just to clarify, 200 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,005 you're not gonna tell my parents? 201 00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:06,268 - I cannot. - Cool, bye. 202 00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:14,798 Hey, Coach! 203 00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,365 Dinkins. 204 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,236 Wow, Dinkins. What are you doing here? 205 00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:21,152 Wouldn't have anything to do with me getting 206 00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:22,850 on the selection committee, would it? 207 00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:24,591 Because you know there's no way I'm voting for you. 208 00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:26,114 You ruined my life. 209 00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:28,638 And that's exactly why you should vote for him. 210 00:08:28,769 --> 00:08:31,293 Think about it--the two of you were one game away 211 00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:32,902 from winning the Super Bowl. 212 00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:34,862 But after Reggie got kicked out of the league, 213 00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:36,864 the team imploded, and so did you. 214 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:38,474 You lost your job, your wife. 215 00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,302 Your "Golden Bachelor" audition went viral, 216 00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:41,782 and it was sad. 217 00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:44,567 My ex knew all the passwords. 218 00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:47,352 I can't figure out how to reset them, so... 219 00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:49,485 that's what I'm looking for. 220 00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,487 How is any of this supposed to make me 221 00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,140 want to vote for you? 222 00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:55,098 'Cause either I was so good at football 223 00:08:55,099 --> 00:08:56,840 that me not playing for the Jets 224 00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:59,669 is the only reason why your life blew up. 225 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,716 Or Reggie wasn't a Hall of Fame-caliber talent, 226 00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:05,282 and this is all your fault. 227 00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:08,112 Donovan, we gotta start the game. 228 00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:10,071 We lose the field in an hour. - Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry. 229 00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,986 I'll be--I'll be right there, sir. 230 00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:13,901 Un-frickin'-believable. 231 00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:20,298 You know, I have always blamed you for everything. 232 00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:22,431 I mean, I'm not about to blame my own drinking, 233 00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:25,607 my own infidelity, or how I spent all my savings 234 00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:27,697 trying to reverse my circumcision. 235 00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,917 Nope, it was all my fault, all of it. 236 00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:32,789 It has nothing to do with you. 237 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,878 Yeah. 238 00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:39,274 Yeah, because Dinkins is just that good 239 00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,581 at football. 240 00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:44,453 All right, you got my vote. 241 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,150 Oh, my God, Reggie. 242 00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:47,848 You're gonna get a vote for the Hall. 243 00:09:47,935 --> 00:09:49,284 Oh, I'm not stopping there. 244 00:09:49,414 --> 00:09:50,937 I'm gonna fight for you in the room. 245 00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:53,113 I am gonna get you in the Hall. 246 00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,289 And then the whole world will know-- 247 00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:55,986 - It was all my fault. - Your fault. 248 00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:58,162 Donovan! 249 00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:00,600 You got all that, right? His fault. 250 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,822 - Whoo! Hey. - Things are looking up, y'all. 251 00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:07,911 And if history has taught us anything, 252 00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:10,435 it's that the vote of old white men can change the world. 253 00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:12,001 Ha ha. 254 00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:18,051 Hey, Jer Bear. 255 00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:20,141 You don't nickname me. I nickname you, 256 00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,012 Reggie... Stupid. 257 00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,752 Look, man, I don't got time for this. 258 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,059 In 30 seconds, 259 00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:27,451 I'm interviewing a lizard that dialed 911. 260 00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:30,237 I spoke to your new best friend, Duck Donovan. 261 00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:31,674 Oh, really? 262 00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:34,458 Which reminds me, how's our ass taste? 263 00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:36,984 - Ha ha! - Real bad. 264 00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:40,770 But not for long, 'cause you done poked the wrong Jer Bear. 265 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,337 That's right. I'm owning it now. 266 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,426 When he's not eating crickets, 267 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,559 one local lizard is stopping bicycle thieves. 268 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,039 This isn't over, you son of a bitch. 269 00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:51,999 I-guana talk to that little guy. 270 00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,266 Machine does 10s. 271 00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:07,274 - Hey, there, friend. - "Friend"? Well, okay. 272 00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:08,972 How would you like to go for a van ride? 273 00:11:09,103 --> 00:11:10,670 We got sandwiches. 274 00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:14,935 - What kind of sandwiches? - All kinds of sandwiches. 275 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,904 Oh. What's up, Arthur? 276 00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:29,906 - No. Ignore me. - Oh, that's right. 277 00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:32,692 You're--you're not here. 278 00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:37,260 Oh, no. 279 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:39,916 I left a hard-boiled egg in my shorts. 280 00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:41,264 Sorry, buddy. 281 00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:44,051 I'm coming to save and eat you. 282 00:11:44,181 --> 00:11:45,487 Oh, that's really in there. 283 00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:47,619 Ah! Uh-oh. Oh, boy. 284 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,361 Okay, Arthur? Arthur, can you help me? 285 00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:52,363 Whoa! 286 00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:55,626 Oh, no! My body completed the seal! 287 00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:58,152 Oh, the cycle is starting! 288 00:11:58,239 --> 00:12:00,588 Arthur, help! Arthur! 289 00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:02,896 Now, Mr. Donovan, what sold you 290 00:12:02,983 --> 00:12:05,202 on Basmati Ministries men's retreat? 291 00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:06,638 Was it the sandwiches? 292 00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:10,251 Oh, look, yeah, I-I was skeptical at first. 293 00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,035 But as the faith counselors 294 00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:15,342 at Jerry Basmati's annual 12-month masculinity retreat 295 00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:16,648 explained to me, 296 00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,954 I am in need of a kind of structure 297 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,740 that no committee could provide. 298 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,871 Well, good for you, Duckery. 299 00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:24,918 - He's out? - You've gotta be kidding me. 300 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,484 I was craving the community and sense of purpose 301 00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:29,443 that only comes with assembling 302 00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:31,272 and shipping waffle makers. 303 00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:33,578 I'm glad you're having fun, 304 00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,492 but that just means one more job 305 00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:38,192 for my poor work husband here. 306 00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,454 Sexless, just like my real marriage, 307 00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:41,978 'cause with this schedule-- 308 00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,326 when, Ron? When? 309 00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:44,938 You gotta make time, Kaylie. 310 00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:46,809 And I will be making time 311 00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,768 to step up as the newest member 312 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:52,249 of the Pro Football Hall of Fame selection committee. 313 00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:53,816 You-guana be on that committee. 314 00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,731 That's not an ongoing thing, Kaylie. 315 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,515 That was just for that one lizard story. 316 00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,039 Okay, uh, okay. 317 00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:02,084 This is a setback, but I know exactly what to do. 318 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:04,653 Yep, I got this. 319 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,436 Okay. 320 00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:08,962 I thought if I kept talking, an idea would come to me, 321 00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:12,052 but maybe if I keep saying words-- 322 00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:14,227 This can't be game over. 323 00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,404 It's overtime! We gotta do more stuff! 324 00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:18,145 Help, someone help! 325 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,887 Hurry! Help! 326 00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:23,193 My Rusty! 327 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,760 Oh, God, again? 328 00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:29,417 He was just standing there like a psycho. 329 00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,505 What the hell, Arthur? Why didn't you help? 330 00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,029 You think I didn't want to? 331 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:35,423 I've told you-- I cannot get involved. 332 00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:37,947 There have to be boundaries. - "Boundaries"? 333 00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:40,297 Arthur, there are no boundaries here. 334 00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:43,257 Rusty was in the delivery room when Carmelo was born. 335 00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:44,824 Okay, I didn't wanna be. 336 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,999 Reggie said he deserved a partner there too. 337 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,784 And how many times have you seen me in the shower? 338 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,829 If you stopped FaceTiming me from in there, it'd be less. 339 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,353 It just is what it is. 340 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,529 I mean, I still represent my ex-husband. 341 00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:56,486 And I'm friends with my fiancé's ex-wife. 342 00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,054 I might be her only friend. 343 00:13:58,228 --> 00:14:01,144 Guys, Mr. Tobin is a great filmmaker. 344 00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,667 And part of what makes him great 345 00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:04,931 is that he never gets involved. 346 00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:07,062 Ever, right? 347 00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:10,544 The point is, this family is like using a public bathroom 348 00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:11,807 while wearing a jumpsuit. 349 00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:13,156 It's chaos. It's messy. 350 00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:15,202 It could be a disaster at any moment. 351 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:17,073 But in the end, it's worth it, 352 00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:19,467 because I look good in a jumpsuit. 353 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,338 We are a beautiful mess. 354 00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:24,298 And like it or not, your mess is a part of it. 355 00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:27,040 That is the problem, Reggie. I am a part of it. 356 00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:30,086 And I don't want my personal life to ruin another project. 357 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,653 And it's already gone too far. I mean, I-- 358 00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:34,047 I love you guys. 359 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:36,788 How could I ever stay objective? 360 00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:47,321 I'm sorry. 361 00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:48,888 This is how it has to be. 362 00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:51,367 We have marital bed 363 00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:52,848 this afternoon. - Mm-hmm. 364 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,545 But, first, you're doing a ribbon cutting 365 00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:56,460 at that new flat-Earth planetarium. 366 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:57,722 - Oh, okay. - Jerry! 367 00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:01,422 Well, well... 368 00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:04,077 - One more, baby. - Well. 369 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:07,166 I guess you heard the news. - Yeah, not cool, Basmati. 370 00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:09,909 You took advantage of Duck's sad-ass life. 371 00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:12,172 No, I gave him a fresh start. 372 00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:14,738 You're the one that tricked him into supporting you. 373 00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:16,176 You think I'd let that stand? 374 00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:19,483 No, it's gonna sit. - Sit all the way down. 375 00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,354 Look, Jerry, I know you hate me. 376 00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:22,921 Rivals gotta hate. 377 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,446 But that's the reason why you should vote for me. 378 00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:27,187 There's no Magic without Bird, 379 00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,318 no Ali without Foreman, no Seabiscuit without... 380 00:15:29,319 --> 00:15:31,147 both: Jazzy Joe, the horse. - We get it, man. 381 00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:32,974 Did you really come all the way here 382 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:35,238 to try to change my mind about you? 383 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:38,110 I'm not some broken old dude you can just throw in a van. 384 00:15:38,111 --> 00:15:39,241 I can't believe you thought that would work on me. 385 00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:40,461 I can't believe it either. 386 00:15:40,548 --> 00:15:42,463 Jerry and I can't believe the same stuff, 387 00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,204 and that's why our marriage works. 388 00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:46,728 Being rivals doesn't make me respect you, Dinkins. 389 00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:50,775 I hate being mentioned in the same breath as you... 390 00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:52,515 because you're a bad person. 391 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:55,214 Yeah, gambling is a sin, right? 392 00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,217 But only if you play sports? - Come on. 393 00:15:57,391 --> 00:15:59,784 I was young and dumb, and I only bet on myself. 394 00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:01,351 You are an embarrassment. 395 00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,832 And that's why I'm gonna make sure 396 00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:07,356 you never get into the Hall of Fame. 397 00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:10,404 Oh, and don't try to use this footage 'cause clearly it's AI. 398 00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:13,276 Oh, yeah, y'all AI'd us. 399 00:16:15,931 --> 00:16:17,671 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 400 00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:19,282 You are the bad person. 401 00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:21,502 Reggie Dinkins is a good person. 402 00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:23,894 He is the type of man who, when you fall asleep in front 403 00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:25,984 of the TV, you wake up with a blanket over you, 404 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,724 a glass of water on the coffee table, 405 00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:29,770 and your teeth are brushed. - Hold up, what-- 406 00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:31,425 He came here today to give you a chance 407 00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,166 to do the right thing. 408 00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:36,342 But now I see why you could never stop Reggie on the field. 409 00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:38,084 'Cause you're weak, Jerry, 410 00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:40,608 like a little baby sucking on your daddy's fingers, 411 00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:42,349 too stupid to know there's no milk gonna come out of there. 412 00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,132 You don't even have the strength 413 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:46,222 to change your own mind, let alone anybody else's. 414 00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,050 He changes my mind all the time-- 415 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,008 who I vote for, what I'm ordering. 416 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,575 I was Jewish when we met. 417 00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:53,055 What are you even talking about, 418 00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:55,143 you Elijah Wood-looking-ass bitch? 419 00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:56,972 First of all, he looks like me, okay? 420 00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:59,147 I'm three days older. 421 00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:01,063 And they thought that if they changed your mind, 422 00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:02,847 you'd do what Duck was gonna try and do 423 00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:04,240 and sway the whole committee. 424 00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:06,155 But you, sir, couldn't sway a palm tree 425 00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:07,939 if you were the breeze. 426 00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:14,162 I can't believe him. 427 00:17:14,163 --> 00:17:16,383 You also can't believe him, right, baby? 428 00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:18,385 We both can't believe? Baby! 429 00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:23,694 - You coming, Arthur? - Uh, no. 430 00:17:23,781 --> 00:17:25,044 But, look, I can recommend 431 00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,828 some excellent directors to replace me. 432 00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:28,395 Now that PBS is gone, 433 00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:30,353 Ken Burns is just doing quinceañera videos, so... 434 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,180 Dude, just because you're in the movie, 435 00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:33,617 doesn't mean it's bad. 436 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,619 It's just different. 437 00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,665 Like when they didn't wanna give Beyoncé a country award, 438 00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,797 they didn't cancel the Grammys. 439 00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,625 Those crackers just made up a whole new category. 440 00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,018 You don't understand. 441 00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,454 I have always made observational documentaries. 442 00:17:45,455 --> 00:17:47,891 And, well, this film isn't that. 443 00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:50,677 It is participatory, clearly. 444 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:51,940 And it's reflexive, 445 00:17:52,027 --> 00:17:53,855 because we're talking about it on camera. 446 00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:56,075 So it's something else altogether--like Sunny D. 447 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:59,600 It's orange, and it's juice, but it's not orange juice. 448 00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:01,819 It's some third other thing. What is it? 449 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:04,822 I have no idea what Sunny D or this film is. 450 00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:06,563 Because it's new. 451 00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:10,437 It's a Tobin-umentary. 452 00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:12,829 Monica. 453 00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,789 No. 454 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:18,923 I doubt anyone will call it that... 455 00:18:19,054 --> 00:18:22,666 or teach it in a film school... 456 00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:24,842 or eventually name an Independent Spirit Award 457 00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:26,495 after me. 458 00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:29,150 No, no, no, no, one--one step at a time, guys. 459 00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:31,719 One step at a time. 460 00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:34,461 I did like watching you go at Jerry Basmati like that. 461 00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:36,245 I was a little afraid he was gonna rip you in half. 462 00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,768 Yes, in half, I had the same thought. 463 00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,948 Mr. Tobin... 464 00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,515 so now that you're doing the, uh... 465 00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:47,474 Tobin-umentary, yes-- well, I hear 466 00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,301 that's what they're calling it. - Okay. 467 00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:50,780 I just wanted to make sure that 468 00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:53,043 you still weren't gonna tell my parents about the... 469 00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,654 Carmelo, as a documentarian, 470 00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,309 I think I've made it clear I cannot. 471 00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:57,658 Okay, cool. 472 00:18:57,788 --> 00:19:00,355 But as this new hybrid filmmaker, 473 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:02,358 older brother, uncle, friend of your parents 474 00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,752 who cares about you and the choices you make... 475 00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:07,102 You're in big trouble, boy. 476 00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:09,800 When we heard what Carmelo had done... 477 00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:11,715 we were so relieved. 478 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,239 Thrilled, actually. 479 00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:14,979 He's always been a great kid. 480 00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,677 Too great. He's never been in trouble. 481 00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:18,200 And those kids end up weird. 482 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,071 Like bird-owner weird. 483 00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:23,074 And I did not wanna have to step-mom a nerd. 484 00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:25,598 What am I gonna do at a science fair? 485 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,950 But now we have to punish him for the first time ever. 486 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,387 So how do we do that? 487 00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:34,520 Young man, you go to your--your room? 488 00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:37,436 Yes, and, also, we're going to take away your-- 489 00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:38,742 Not my Switch. 490 00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,092 Yes, your Switch. 491 00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:42,920 Now, you think about that the next time 492 00:19:43,051 --> 00:19:45,008 you wanna make mischief and memories 493 00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:47,360 like a normal teenager! 494 00:19:49,318 --> 00:19:51,276 both: Pow. 495 00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:54,454 Hey Dinkins, you got company. 496 00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:56,064 Oh, God, why? 497 00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:57,978 My house has more chandeliers. 498 00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,241 Come on, now, Jerry. 499 00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:01,287 What else do you have to say to me? 500 00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,375 Nothing. I came to say something to him. 501 00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:05,159 That little reverse "Blind Side" said 502 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,684 I couldn't change anyone's mind, like I didn't matter. 503 00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:09,599 Well, I took that personally. 504 00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:12,428 What are you doing? You already said this stuff. 505 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:13,907 Get out of here. 506 00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:15,475 Well, I took that personally. 507 00:20:15,605 --> 00:20:19,174 And Jerry Basmati can do anything I put my mind to. 508 00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:20,958 You can't refer to yourself in the third 509 00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:22,917 and the first person in the same sentence, man. 510 00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,745 Whether it's winning Super Bowls 511 00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:27,137 or selling my cologne to the troops 512 00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:29,445 or learning Dutch for no reason... 513 00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:34,450 And I'm gonna prove it to you, 514 00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:37,018 because I can too change minds... 515 00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:38,585 of every single member 516 00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:40,586 of the Hall of Fame selection committee. 517 00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,589 So you gonna get me in the Hall? 518 00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:43,938 Damn, okay. 519 00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:47,550 No, not you. 520 00:20:47,637 --> 00:20:49,248 Him. 521 00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:50,684 Wait, what? 522 00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:52,380 That'll drive you crazy, huh-- 523 00:20:52,381 --> 00:20:54,078 waking up in a house every day 524 00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:55,993 with someone who's living your dream and it ain't you? 525 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,734 But I wasn't even very good. 526 00:20:57,821 --> 00:20:59,170 The only time I got on "Top Ten" 527 00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:01,172 was when one of my kicks killed a bird. 528 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,304 Oh, we'll see, Busty. 529 00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:04,132 - You-- - We'll see. 530 00:21:04,219 --> 00:21:06,265 Ah, AI. 531 00:21:24,239 --> 00:21:26,285 - Good night, everybody. - Good night.